You are quietly coasting back an forth in the gentle summer breeze on your porch swing, deeply engaged in conversation with your partner.  The warmth in the air mirrors the glow in you are feeling inside, until they casually use a confidence you’ve shared with them in jest.  Your partner studies your reaction.  You feel the clutch in your stomach, for their remark seemed more cruel than funny, but you don’t know how to respond.

It’s a turning point you will only recognize as a Narcissistic attack after the relationship has ended.  At the time, you whisked away your intuition and wrote it off to a joke at your partner’s suggestion.  How many more times did you do that during the duration of your narcissistic encounter?  How many turning points did you choose ignore?

I used to joke with people that the only thing wrong with a relationship was that another person was involved.  🙂  Yet, the fact remains that free will is a factor in all relationships.  While the narcissist is exercising their free will to exploit the emotions of those who have chosen to love them, those who choose to love them are exercising their free will to look past behaviors that are unsettling.  That’s how it works.

This evening I’m reflecting on turning points, and the stupidest things that my Narcissist ex said to me.  Perhaps the most nonsensical remark that he may ever have made was to suggest that I ought to feel happy about what we had together, after he had put so much effort into diminishing every memory that I had cherished and convinced me that I imagined everything.

For his birthday one year, I wrote him a beautiful poem an put it in a handmade frame.  He admired it and quickly put it in a safe place, expressing a fear that I would change my mind about giving it to him.  It was an odd thing to say, for that would never have occurred to me.  We had a lovely evening and he made a promise to me that night.  The next day he broke his promise and I was disappointed.

Another turning point that I chose to ignore…

As he celebrates another birthday today, I find myself wondering why I choose to remember it.  He showed me box full of cards and memorabilia from me that he kept, once upon a time.  Every note and card that I ever gave him was in it.  I wonder if he still has them.