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NPD | The Legendary Narcissist

The Legendary Narcissist | Recovering from a Narcissistic Relationship

Browsing Posts tagged NPD

Reviewing some of the search terms that got people to this site, I found this topic.  I believe it to be of general interest but not for the most obvious reasons.

I feel that it is necessary to re-cap a few facts that I’ve learned about Narcissists.  Narcissists are not easy to profile because they do not seek therapy.  Thus, they are a segment of humanity which we are becoming more aware of who cannot be easily identified.  From the comments on this blog, I’m aware that what I’m writing is hitting home, even though most of what I’ve written here is based on my own experiences and observations.

Whether or not we admit to it at the time, what each of us has experienced at the end of our relationship with a Narcissistic Partner is grief for the loss of that relationship.

The most widely accepted definition of the stages of grief has 5 stages, which I will review for you here:.

The Five Stages of Grief

  1. Denial is looking past what is real with a mindset that it isn’t what you know it to be.
  2. Anger is the retaliatory phase where we try to get even or feel jealousy.
  3. Bargaining often begins before the actual loss.  We make deals to maintain our relationship or pray to whatever Deity we claim for resolution that will keep our lives whole and our relationship in tact.

The Question

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The other day, my step daughter sent a broadcast poll question out to everyone via text message.  The question she asked was:

If you know that a man will never really excite you, should you date him anyway and try to make it work?

Not only is that the bazillion dollar question that many of us have asked ourselves, there was also another underlying question that I perceived.  You see, my step daughter has manifested a pattern of not-so-good choices in men.  She’s a grown woman.  I make no judgments about how she lives her life.  I only want her to find happiness, like most mothers do.

I sure don’t describe this as some of my best work but, while I was working today, this poem flitted into my head so I thought I would share it here:

There once was a woman I knew
Who thought that she knew what she knew
Then she met him and went for a spin
And turned into somebody new

She’s not necessarily changed
For much of her viewpoint’s the same
She’s managed to smile in spite of her trials
And won’t have to learn that again

It put a smile on my face. I hope it does the same for my readers!

I’ve developed kind of a habit of listing to National Public Radio on Sundays.   During the course of the day, I overheard an interview with a graduate student that piqued my interest.  Her research revealed that babies as young as 3-months old preferred the toys who had exhibited better character.  Allow me to explain, for this may seem a little abstract.

This young woman basically played with babies by performing little skits using toys.  Her observations were that, once the play was finished, the babies preferred the toys who had been “nice”during playtime.  When asked how she knew how the baby was reacting to character rather than a preferred color, she explained that she would use two stuffed toys of different colors in multiple experiments with different children.  In spite of the color of the toy, infants predominantly chose the “nice” toy over the one whose part in the play had been “mean.”

There was an interesting question asked in the new Alice in Wonderland movie.  As the uncertain Alice encountered the Mad Hatter, he was disappointed by her fear and said, “You used to be much more … you’ve lost your much-ness!”  The silly wording of the statement caused a smile but the profundity of the statement wasn’t lost on me.

Many of my readers talk of their own disbelief with themselves.  Every time I read a comment like that, it breaks my heart again.  There is not an adequate explanation for the things we have chosen to change about ourselves in order to maintain a relationship with a Narcissist and no way to describe the after effects to people who haven’t dealt with an NPD.  As many of us have learned through experience, the relationship we thought was love was not what it seemed. 

I visited the San Diego Zoo for my birthday this year.  While my friend and I were looking on at the Flamingos, something unusual happened.  All of their heads shot up at once.  Their alarm was obvious.  I commented to my friend that their behavior was strange as they began to squawk and pace about in their habitat.

My friend suggested that it might be their feeding time so we meandered up the path a bit and stood on a small bridge over where their food would be delivered.  When my friend answered that the bridge didn’t normally sway, I knew we were in an earthquake.  It was a fairly sizable one, at that, and it lasted for nearly a minute.

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