Change is inevitable … Progress is optional.

~Jack Welch

This is a statement not only about business, but also about life’s ups and downs. Wholeheartedly, it is my belief that it isn’t what happens to us that matters most, it is how we respond to things that have happened, especially if the circumstances are qualitatively negative.

As I struggle with my own version of the annual Holiday Blahs, I’m also working out ways to overcome them. It isn’t worth the time wasted to slip into a funk that permeates the atmosphere of joy for the loved ones who now surround me and it’s  too much work to fake it.

The only alternative is to change my viewpoint.  Even if there were no others for me to affect, switching my focus to a more positive view is essential for me to reassemble my life.

A pearl of wisdom was delivered while watching the thought provoking movie, The Matrix, last night.  I don’t recall the exact scene, but the words caught my attention. They went something like this:

You must choose between the past that lies before
and the past that lies ahead

In the midst of those two places, we exist. And, even though we are ourselves, we all know that our lives have been affected and that we have changed as a result. As we reassemble ourselves after dealing with a Narcissist, we must choose whether we will dwell on the past … the illusion of love, or the future that is ours to create.

What do I mean by “ours to create” anyway?  I guess you’ve all figured out that I’m somewhat philosophical and introspective by nature.  My idea of reality is that we have some control over it.

You’ve already made the choice, now you have to understand it.

That is another quote from The Matrix.  Maybe the best way to understand it is to frame life … and love … as a game.  In games, there are barriers and freedoms.  That’s what makes them work.

Your involvement with a Narcissist was a no-game condition because the rules were always changing.  Your only fault was not recognizing there was no way to play the game.

Now your game is this; What rules are you going to make for your new life?

Recovering from a Narcissistic Relationship

Your wings were singed on the last flight but you will recover from a narcissistic relationship if you set your mind to it.  Our minds are incredible things.  As uninhibited children, our imaginations were boundless.  Adult minds can imagine too.  We’ve been through something that we never imagined was possible and survived it.  Why not put that imagination to use now rather than dwelling only the unpleasant past?

Here is my recipe for getting though the Holidays this year:

  1. Try something new!  I’m in a completely different part of the country so this is quite easy for me.  I’m researching local Holiday events and scheduling time on my calendar to be a part of those.
  2. Sing!  I’ve been a subscriber of the DailyOm newsletter for years.  (Perhaps some of you noticed the new feature in my sidebar…)  A couple of days ago, the topic was regarding Harmonizing with the Universe.  When I read the post, they explained that singing sends vibrations through our Chakras that are healing.

For me, the most important aspect of the first item is to create NEW memories.  Seeking out things that interest me also has potential to bring people into my life who share my interests and it won’t be difficult to talk with strangers about something that we are both interested in.

For each of us, the recipe for change will be different.  I may be adding more ideas to my list, or coming up with suggestions for you folks.  I certainly would like to engage you in discussion about ways that you will be changing your perspective about the holidays.