In my Sunday surfing, I came across a pretty good article about a study done on “Narcissists”.  Thought I’d pass it along to you all…

Think of your friendly neighborhood narcissist: status-seeking, grandiose, loud-mouthed, brash and flamboyant. Have you ever noticed how he brags all the time, not only about his astronomical I.Q. and bulging pectoral muscles, but also about the fact that he is narcissistic? It’s as if he is proud of it.

Lots of psychologists have theorized that a lack of self-awareness is a hallmark trait of narcissists. My personal experience with narcissists does not seem to support this. It seems to me as though they are not only aware of who they are, but also embrace it.

It’s that time of year again.  We’re supposed to be festive and joyful.  Our families and friends bring us close and we’re all cheery, right?

I recognize that attitude is everything.  Every day I have a choice about how I respond to stimuli in my environment.  I can choose to meander off into emotional gloom or sunshine .  Aside from the holidays, it is very easy to flush my feelings of disappointment down the drain and recenter my inner peace.

It could be the fact that a friend of mine died suddenly just before Thanksgiving.  She was younger than me.  It could be that her death reminds me of unaccomplished dreams and goals in my life.  It could be that I miss my mother … whose death and funeral memories are all tangled up in the final betrayal that I experienced at the hands of a Narcissist.

Although I take full responsibility for every choice that has brought me to the life that I know today, I continue to stumble over the hurdle labeled acceptance.  Accepting responsibility for one’s part in a drama is very different than accepting the disappointment that resulted from those decisions.

As we learn more about Narcissists and NPD, we sometimes come to realize that the most recent experience we are reeling from is not the ONLY experience we’ve had in our lives.  While we can itemize the things to look out for and ways to extricate these emotional vampires from our sphere, it may be equally important to look into our own souls and discover what it is about us that continues to attract these aberrated people.  Allow me to share some observations that I’ve made about my style for your self-consideration as you continue on your own journey back to the lightness that once was your life.

When my world fell apart during the spring of 2006, or so it seemed, I relied on books and music to remind me that everything would be OK.  Much of what I absorbed during that depressed period of my life continues to inspire me today.

Music has always uplifted me. To that end, I feel that it is good therapy for someone who is in recovery from a Narcissistic encounter.

In the song Idaho, Nerina Pallot describes a flight from what was, as an empowered person who is taking control of their life. This song became my theme song when I pulled up stakes and left my life-long home to start over in the sunshine. I did not choose Idaho as a destination, however.  🙂

This is a video which I was introduced to about a year ago.  It is 16-minutes long but well worth the watch.  Not only does it have a good message that we all have special gifts, it is an example of how being attached to a specific outcome can affect us … and help us to find ourselves anew.

Our smiles make a difference for others, and smiling makes us feel better inside too.   Enjoy the film and let me know what you think.

Reviewing some of the search terms that got people to this site, I found this topic.  I believe it to be of general interest but not for the most obvious reasons.

I feel that it is necessary to re-cap a few facts that I’ve learned about Narcissists.  Narcissists are not easy to profile because they do not seek therapy.  Thus, they are a segment of humanity which we are becoming more aware of who cannot be easily identified.  From the comments on this blog, I’m aware that what I’m writing is hitting home, even though most of what I’ve written here is based on my own experiences and observations.

Whether or not we admit to it at the time, what each of us has experienced at the end of our relationship with a Narcissistic Partner is grief for the loss of that relationship.

The most widely accepted definition of the stages of grief has 5 stages, which I will review for you here:.

The Five Stages of Grief

1. Denial is looking past what is real with a mindset that it isn’t what you know it to be.
2. Anger is the retaliatory phase where we try to get even or feel jealousy.
3. Bargaining often begins before the actual loss.  We make deals to maintain our relationship or pray to whatever Deity we claim for resolution that will keep our lives whole and our relationship in tact.