When my world fell apart during the spring of 2006, or so it seemed, I relied on books and music to remind me that everything would be OK.  Much of what I absorbed during that depressed period of my life continues to inspire me today.

Music has always uplifted me. To that end, I feel that it is good therapy for someone who is in recovery from a Narcissistic encounter.

In the song Idaho, Nerina Pallot describes a flight from what was, as an empowered person who is taking control of their life. This song became my theme song when I pulled up stakes and left my life-long home to start over in the sunshine. I did not choose Idaho as a destination, however.  🙂

I sure don’t describe this as some of my best work but, while I was working today, this poem flitted into my head so I thought I would share it here:

It put a smile on my face. I hope it does the same for my readers!

In a recent discussion, a friend of mine opined about my Narcissist. I heard myself saying that, if he was such a loser, why did his life appear to be going along so much better than mine. And, since saying that, I’ve heard a similar thought from another soul who reads my blog. They opined that the good guys do finish last. I have to say, this resonated with me. So the question of the day is: What is success?

It’s plain in retrospect my Narcissist is a thoughtless and empty shell whose only concern is his own satisfaction and gain at any cost. Clearly, this has worked for him all his life. Even though it seemed unconventional given his age when we met, he explained that he lived off his parents because he was an artist and inventor. I later learned he established relationships with women in his youth so he could live rent free which made me feel uncomfortable.

One of my subscribers has been in correspondence with me over the past several days. As I’ve read these notes, I’ve been reminded of how much havoc can be wreaked by a Narcissist. During one of the notes, they described a feeling of having a crushed soul.

For my subscribers, and especially for the subscriber with whom I’ve been exchanging email recently, I am posting a poem entitled Waves  which I wrote at the beginning of the beginning of my roller coastr ride through hell.

There is no easy way to end a relationship when one partner wants it to continue but Narcissists do have a way of crushing your spirit. A Narcissist is incapable of empathy. Only their feelings matter to them and if you try to make them care about yours, you only are giving them weapons to use as they destroy you.

A Narcissist wants their victims to feel insecure in a relationship for this increases their feeling of being powerful.  They will go to any lengths to acquire and keep control, diverting  negative attention from themselves and deflecting it onto those whom they rely upon for Narcissistic supply.  One method of going about this is to create an environment where the victim is constantly questioning their own motives and afraid to point out ways in which their own needs are not being met in the relationship. 

During our last conversation, when I finally was at my wits end and demanded an apology from him, he said he had nothing to apologize for and added a commentary about my need to learn to make others more important than myself.  Translated, this means he was expecting me to continue to place his needs above my own  and forget the abusive things he had done.  Yet, I continue to reflect on his criticism, weighing in my own mind’s eye whether or not there is any credence which ought to be lent to it for this is my way.  Analytically, I know he is capable of using anything he can to not accept responsibility for what he did to me on the day of Mom’s funeral.  I reflect because my heart still wants to believe he isn’t a monster.

Clear communication is the basis of any successful relationship.  There will be misunderstandings along the way but, when this happens, it is important to talk things over with the other person involved, especially when there is romance and intimacy involved.  If your partner is incapable of having a constructive conversation with you and you know you aren’t being overly critical and only asking for consideration you yourself would give, you may be involved with a Narcissist.

A Narcissist in romance, whether you are married to them or not, has learned your most personal secrets and has no qualms about using any of this carefully gathered information as a tool to deflect you from learning more or to make you feel inferior to them.  Their game is to keep you off balance and walking on egg shells.