So many people who cared about me shared very negative opinions about my former beau, many describing him as a bum or a loser. After the event of my mother’s funeral, he told me he was afraid of everyone. In an attempt to appreciate his point of view, I sometimes wonder which would be worse … being known as a loser or knowing you are a coward?

The Narcissist becomes a bully when they fear being found out. Normally these people are charming as well as intelligent so a sudden and unexpected cruelty can flummox the strongest being. When a Narcissist is forced to look inside, they become fearful and react. They know the reflection is not becoming. They will always lash out at their accuser. There were times with this man when I had made no accusations nor issued any complaints and I still found myself in the line of fire because he claimed his vast awareness caused him to sense what I was feeling and choosing to not say. He was afraid of being found out.

I heard a song by the Dixie Chicks which was written for a different purpose.  The refrain haunts me for their sentiments mirror my feelings.  

They sing:

“I’m not ready to make nice.  I’m not ready to back down ‘cuz I’m mad as hell and I don’t have time to go round and round and round.  It’s too late to make it right, wouldn’t do it if I could.  ‘Cuz I’m mad as hell and I don’t have time to do what it is you think I should.”

Conventional wisdom is to let it go and move on.  What is there to let go?  When the partner with whom you’ve been walking on the path changes course and doesn’t provide information you need to have to make informed choices about your own well being, it casts doubt on your ability to make any choice and standing still seems best.

Clear communication is the basis of any successful relationship.  There will be misunderstandings along the way but, when this happens, it is important to talk things over with the other person involved, especially when there is romance and intimacy involved.  If your partner is incapable of having a constructive conversation with you and you know you aren’t being overly critical and only asking for consideration you yourself would give, you may be involved with a Narcissist.

A Narcissist in romance, whether you are married to them or not, has learned your most personal secrets and has no qualms about using any of this carefully gathered information as a tool to deflect you from learning more or to make you feel inferior to them.  Their game is to keep you off balance and walking on egg shells.