Another year has passed, according to the anniversary of my birth. As I assess my life’s condition, I can’t help measuring what is as it relates to what was.
“The past is our definition. we may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.” ~ Wendell Berry
What is better? The last time that I declared to myself that my life would be better by allowing time for a relationship, my desired reality seemed to manifest. When I met my former beau, I thought my dreams had come true. But they hadn’t. The reflection of love in that fun house mirror was distorted and ugly at the end. And the transition from joyful serenity to anxious un-joy was so … abrupt.
In my Sunday surfing, I came across a pretty good article about a study done on “Narcissists”. Thought I’d pass it along to you all…
Think of your friendly neighborhood narcissist: status-seeking, grandiose, loud-mouthed, brash and flamboyant. Have you ever noticed how he brags all the time, not only about his astronomical I.Q. and bulging pectoral muscles, but also about the fact that he is narcissistic? It’s as if he is proud of it.
Lots of psychologists have theorized that a lack of self-awareness is a hallmark trait of narcissists. My personal experience with narcissists does not seem to support this. It seems to me as though they are not only aware of who they are, but also embrace it.
I’m not sure this topic has anything to do with Narcissism per se, but it has been on my mind for a few weeks. When something stays on my mind, I know it’s time to write about it.
So, when is understanding and acceptance like being hit over the head with a blunt object?
I think there is a misunderstanding in the minds of a lot of people [particularity the Narcissist] when it comes to understanding and acceptance. We all know the kind of acceptance that involves existing facts. For example, we all accept that the sun comes up every morning. When a friend is ill or a loved one is hurt, we all accept that it is sad for them or painful. They will need help and nurturing.
Narcissism is an epidemic in our culture today. You witness it when you experience the driver who executes a lane change at high speed that is a near miss which leaves your heart racing. There are less threatening examples that we witness everyday and, because we have become anesthetized to the unconsciousness behavior of people who walk among us daily, we tend to shrug out shoulders and move on with our business.
For those of us who have experienced a Narcisstic encounter up close and personal, we begin to notice the little things. I believe that I’ve written a post in the past about “flags” that are set upon certain behaviors like not answering direct questions directly or failing to acknowledge that a question has been asked. Although I can use my Narcissistic Radar detector to back away from personal relationships pretty adeptly, it is more difficult to step away from Narcissists in a business situation.
My dear friend, McKenna, has agreed to become a guest blogger and co-administrator at The Legendary Narcissist. I’m truly excited about this! She helped me navigate through the devastating experience of dealing with a narcissistic relationship and, although she never told me what to do, she guided me to the right decisions.
McKenna is an accomplished Astrologer with 20 years of experience. She is also an accomplished writer and an understanding friend whose wisdom I know all of you will come to appreciate.
In the past, The Legendary Narcissist has been skewed towards handling the after effects of being in a romantic relationship with a Narcissist. While this is still an important topic to explore, McKenna and I hope to widen the scope of content to help people who are dealing with Narcissistic parents, co-workers, and friends.
Ever curious about where my visitors come from, I review statistics that tell me what searches have helped people find The Legendary Narcissist website. Today, I noticed that someone had searched for an answer to the question, “How can a narcissist fake love for so long?”
As I pondered my own circumstances, I remembered wondering the same thing. My narcissistic ex was proficient at creating a feeling of love that seemed so real to me. Over the course of time since that relationship ended, I determined that he could not ever have loved me. But, the fact remained, I loved him.
Consider the narcissist as an actor. They thrive on admiration so they select an audience that fulfills their need. As good actors do, they draw from the audience to create a reality that is believable and we, as the audience, become engaged with the story and empathize with the characters in that script. But we don’t know it is an act at the time for our hearts are ruling our heads.
