All of the stories that my readers have so generously shared at this site have been heart-wrenching to read.  The demonic behavior of Narcissistic people in our lives can shatter every belief we’ve ever had about Love.

Eventually, we all begin to seek answers so we can heal.  This is the core of human-ness that causes us to want more than mere survival.  Transformation and recovery from a Narcissistic Relationship takes courage … and belief.

In self-dialogue, I frequently hear my questions about what it is that I’m searching for now.  It isn’t a person, place or thing.  It is this:

The belief in life that I had in youth
The belief that I can make a difference
The belief in happy endings

And there you have it … the quest for a happy ending.

I understand that happiness is exuded and not derived.  Perhaps I understand that better now than I ever have before.  When I was in a relationship with a Narcissist, his happiness was paramount and I bent to every bizarre mood he projected into our time together.  Having him in my life was something that I thought made me happy.

Yet, when I consider my emotional condition before we met, I know that I was much happier before he entered my life.  Years of emotional blackmail and verbal abuse seeped into my being and changed me to a fearful person.  Could that have been due to the fact that I placed too much importance on him and what he wanted?

That’s a fairly obvious YES.  In fact, I cared so much about his happiness that I actually adapted myself to his every whim.  When he told me I was being demanding, I sought to be less so.  When he criticized me, I took it to heart.  Ultimately, I changed from a believer in happy endings to someone who felt that happy endings were only possible if I kept my mouth shut about what I wanted and needed.

After the last door had slammed and I was left alone with my confusion about what had gone on during years I was in that relationship, I remembered that I never demanded anything from him that wasn’t based in an unfulfilled need.  I also realized that he complained most bitterly when I was asking for the simplest of things that should be a given in any loving relationship.  That simple thing was honesty.

The truth is only true in the moment that it’s spoken

That was one of the lies he told me, up until the time when I had heard it enough and challenged him.  There is a truth in love that is constant.  That truth is belief and, when love is real, it is easy and beautiful to believe the things we cannot see.

But amidst my ranting about his short-comings, I must cop to my own.  I lied to me too.  I told myself that he loved me when it was pretty clear that what he offered as love had no resemblance to my beliefs about love.  He didn’t even classify love as an emotion!

Love is patient and kind
Love does not keep a record of rights and wrongs

The Legendary Narcissist - Believe in LoveThose words were on a napkin at a wedding that I attended in my youth.  They are beautiful words.  That is the Love that I believe in.  That is NOT the sort of love you will ever have when your heart chooses a Narcissist.

Those of us who are recovering from a relationship with a Narcissist are all questing for answers to the questions that were raised about life, love, and ourselves.  And discovering the answers is a process that is different for us all.  But I feel that when you are clear about what these things mean to you, your heart will open and your life will flourish again.

While you are sifting through the sands of your darkest memories and deepest disappointments, always remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel, once you are able to  Believe in Yourself again.