The Legendary Narcissist | Recovering from a Narcissistic Relationship

Browsing Posts tagged Memories

Another year has passed, according to the anniversary of my birth.  As I assess my life’s condition, I can’t help measuring what is as it relates to what was.



“The past is our definition. we may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.” ~ Wendell Berry

What is better?  The last time that I declared to myself that my life would be better by allowing time for a relationship, my desired reality seemed to manifest.  When I met my former beau,  I thought my dreams had come true.  But they hadn’t.  The reflection of love in that fun house mirror was distorted and ugly at the end.  And the transition from joyful serenity to anxious un-joy was so … abrupt.

Pearls of Wiz-dom

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With the holiday season comes the traditional holiday movie reruns, like The Wizard of Oz.  This movie is an old favorite of mine.  As a child, the family would gather around our 12” black and white television and watch it every year.  🙂

Each of the main sojourners in this movie have their separate quests.  The Straw Man seeks wisdom, the Tin Man wants a heart, the Lion wants Courage and Dorothy wants to go home.  At the end of the movie, The Wizard of Oz bequeaths each of them, except Dorothy, with those desired things.

Change is inevitable … Progress is optional.

~Jack Welch

This is a statement not only about business, but also about life’s ups and downs. Wholeheartedly, it is my belief that it isn’t what happens to us that matters most, it is how we respond to things that have happened, especially if the circumstances are qualitatively negative.

As I struggle with my own version of the annual Holiday Blahs, I’m also working out ways to overcome them. It isn’t worth the time wasted to slip into a funk that permeates the atmosphere of joy for the loved ones who now surround me and it’s  too much work to fake it.

The only alternative is to change my viewpoint.  Even if there were no others for me to affect, switching my focus to a more positive view is essential for me to reassemble my life.

A pearl of wisdom was delivered while watching the thought provoking movie, The Matrix, last night.  I don’t recall the exact scene, but the words caught my attention. They went something like this:

You must choose between the past that lies before
and the past that lies ahead

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Nostalgia

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A friend of mine sent me a link to a YouTube video from a show that he watches called Mad Men.  It was a clip from an episode called The Wheel and it was quite touching.  Here is the meat of the quote that I found online:

Nostalgia – it’s delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, “nostalgia” literally means “the pain from an old wound.” It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel. It let’s us travel the way a child travels – around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.

Considering our memories as sort of a time machine, is completely apropos.  When we are reflecting on our pasts, we are catapulted into it.  Sometimes it is the way a sunbeam crosses the trees or a song, maybe even a smell, that stimulates memories.  Once they are stirred, we have to revisit those experiences whether they are delightful or painful to recall.

It has been a maniacal couple of months for me. I do apologize for not blogging during that time but, life IS.

Today I would like to share a video with you again.  The song is by a group named Sugarland and the music has touched my life. The underlying message of the lyrics speak to how events and experiences in our lives shape who we become, and how those memories never die.

Enjoy!

All the holiday commercials on TV this time of year sometimes serve as a rancid reminder about emotions that I once felt.  The illusion of love propagated by our culture is designed to make us want it but, what is it?

When my former beau reached for me, the anticipation of his touch was like an electrical arc charging the air.  Every smile, kiss and impassioned embrace that I shared with him was, to me, an expression of my love for him.  For him, a Narcissist and serial dater, it apparently was some game that he played to prove to himself that he had the ability to amuse, seduce and sexually satisfy a woman.

Moon Phases

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While returning from an outing with my San Diego family last month, I marveled at the full moon which glowed like a beacon from above.  I was a passenger, so staring at the orb was not a safety hazard.

I began singing the same song that always comes to mind when I’m looking at a full moon.  When I was asked what song it was that I was singing, I drifted back in time to a quiet country road in Wisconsin where I rode along gazing at a similarly impressive moon and sang that same song during easier times.  Like my fellow passengers tonight, my former beau had inquired about the song they had never heard before.

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