Comments on: Soul Crushing Effects

By: Phoenix

Phoenix — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 09:01:50 +0000

I’ve taken full responsibility for my poor choices, and paid a high price for my education. I would venture a guess that it is you who is naive.

By: Crameronc

Crameronc — Fri, 28 May 2010 04:53:35 +0000

You all just like playing the victim because you cannot accept responsibility for your poor decisions and lack of good judgement. In short, you are naive.

By: Imnotcrazy

Imnotcrazy — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:07:17 +0000

It drives you crazy cause on again off again relationships with them is all you gettin, get mad, leave stay away for months then make up, thats not good. They try to give it to you real good to get you hook along with their fake romancing you and fake being nice. My Narc always whinned, oh nobody aint trying to help me out in my home, all he did was work, drink sex smoke weed and complain. I didn’t live with him, thank God, his mom cooked for him at times. She’d wash his clothes and thats only cause she was living rent free and thats was their agreement not mines. She tryed to throw everything off on me but I wasn’t having it, I did what I wanted to do if I felt like it just because he was an a hole sometimes.

By: Imnotcrazy

Imnotcrazy — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 07:12:57 +0000

I was with a narcisist for three years when I found out what the hell was really wrong, like I was always crying when he threatened to leave me, when he tried to say I was crazy and when he try to say I was getting fat when I was really losing weight and thats when I found out he suffered from feederism also. I finally had it and had to find out whats really going on, thats when I surfed the net and narcissim came up and then I started to feel a little better so now I’m at the point where I’m trying to leave without getting harmed because he knows I’m onto him so now he uses threats saying he’s going to kill me if I leave. If I miss a day or two without seeing him he drives by my house and honk real loud so I have to come out and talk to him but I’m gonna leave please believe because he wrecks my nerves and it’s getting to the point where I’m falling outta love with him. When I found out the mental illness I also found out he’s on the downlow due to getting raped in prison but the narcissist came from when he got hit in the back with a hammer by his own mother and always was treated like garbage by her and now she lives with him so now he’s paying her back for doing that. He says he’s going to leave her there and move somewhere else, she dont have a job and no money coming in so she’ll be on her own to survive but I’m really tired of him and ready to make that move in a safe way, even his aunts told me you his now, I guess that means your not leavin without a fight from him cause he’s already possessed me as his till death.

By: Phoenix

Phoenix — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 09:32:24 +0000

Hi Rebecca,
Rising above the desire to “out” a narcissist is a real force of will. And, this is revenge-seeking which can become like poison to your soul. You must come to believe that this man will be his own un-doing.

It has been nearly 3 years since I’ve seen the Narcissist who affected me and 2.5 years since we last spoke. Recovering from the effects of emotional abuse, to the degree it occurred, takes time.

The good news is, I haven’t shed a tear about him in years and I have pretty much resolved the matters that once seemed unresolvable. As a result of this relationship I had, I have an uncanny skill of identifying and distancing myself from people who are Narcissistic, however benign they seem to others.

When I am ready to venture back into the game of romance, I pray that I will not allow seduction to rule my good sense again.

By: rebecca

rebecca — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 18:49:04 +0000

Hello. I so feel all of your pain. I was involved with a Narcissist, I think he even may have by-polar as well.
Our relationship was an on for three off for three months.
He was a very clean moral person who was vegetarian, Hare Krishna. The perfect gentleman, a talented musician, and talented writer and the best lover I have ever had. Our love was so special I believed with all my heart we were soul mates, we did everything together, played music in temples and churches, went to the theatre and our love making would go on for hours.But, when I wanted to talk to him about something he didn’t want to confront he turned into a monster.
He was always making sarcastic remarks about people that ate meat people who were over weight. he was so negative, and complained constantly about his health. he would almost always find something bad to say about a person. When I was feeling down, he was never supportive, once he even told me “Well you should just kill yourself” When I had gained about 20 pounds, he told me, I thought you were going to work on yourself, instead you just keep adding more fat to yourself.
He really has effected my self esteem, I feel ugly and bad now. I had to go on meds, prozac and a couple others. Now that I that I have lost weight, he is telling friends that I am not taking care of myself. When I started seeing some else, who by the way was abusive also, I saw them for only 6 weeks. and then bumped them. The narcissist wanted to be my frined, but we only talked for a week or so and even though he said he was getting therapy for his illness, he now would blame me for having to have the therapy. well that was not right I had only known him for two years.
anyway as it turns out the so called therapist he is seeing is a fraud phony she has no training or credentials and they are now romantically involved. He has conned her into believing that I abused him. He has even convinced, friends, my therapist and others to believe I am abusing him.
My only hope is that like a dear friend of mine who really knows him told me, ‘he can only be good for so long’ I want him exposed. I am still suffering from what this man did to me.

By: Phoenix

Phoenix — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 10:07:58 +0000

Carol,

Your son has to decide that he wants to be free, or bring out the worst in her by calling her by name: Narcissist.

The roller coaster is part of relating with an NPD. They so much enjoy being admired and, as long as they are receiving that admiration, they will be pleasant. The moment one holds up a mirror that forces them to see themselves as less than perfect, they can become vicious.

NPDs are incredibly believable when you are in Love with them. He has to find a source within himself to break free. And, if she has been abusive as mine was, it will take him years to recover his self-esteem.

I understand that, as a mother, you want him to be happy but I hope you understand that he needs to discover that true happiness comes from within oneself. All you can do, I imagine, is ask the sorts of questions that lead him to conclude, on his own, that he is in an unhealthy relationship.

My heart goes out to him … and to you.

By: CAROL

CAROL — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:31:28 +0000

My son has been involed with a narcissists for years. She has completly destroyed him. He was almost free but she’s like a drug out to destroy him. she has promised this time for the hundreth time that it will work and she is going to change. Is there a way to provoke her to cheat lie and steal before she is ready to do so. Sometimes it last for weeks other times a year or so before she destroys him again I am afraid he will kill himself this time.

By: chantiey

chantiey — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 17:04:30 +0000

Hi! Your website is a great resource. I am grateful to God that I got out of the relationship with perhaps one most the most vile, manipulative people I have ever met in my life-my narcissistic ex-boyfriend. Now he is trying to make people believe that I two-timed him that is why the relationship ended. He even tried to manipulate my friends to make them believe he was good and I am the bad “guy.”

Now my self-esteem has been healing better but what struck me was when you mentioned about “finding a way to forgive myself for staying in a no-win relationship for so long” I am now grappling with this issue and struggling with trust issues because I am scared if I get close to people they will be like the narcissist. So much emotional damage – I never thought this would happen. Sometimes I still get mad and wish this narcissist ill but what the heck its a waste of my time. Now I am in another country and finding peace within myself which has been good – laughing again, living again and loving myself again.

Though I still struggle I wish the same for all partners/ex-partners of narcissists out there – to laugh again, live again and love again. These narcissists may have tried to crush our self-esteem but can never EVER crush our souls!

By: Judi

Judi — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:26:46 +0000

Yes-narcissists are an unusual breed. In a “class” all by themselves (so they like to claim). Too bad there are so many others like them (if they actually thought about); and (as it turns out) not really so different and “special” after all :0). Ah . . .poetic Justice. Ain’t it grand?