One of my subscribers has been in correspondence with me over the past several days. As I’ve read these notes, I’ve been reminded of how much havoc can be wreaked by a Narcissist. During one of the notes, they described a feeling of having a crushed soul.
For my subscribers, and especially for the subscriber with whom I’ve been exchanging email recently, I am posting a poem entitled Waves which I wrote at the beginning of the beginning of my roller coastr ride through hell.
There is no easy way to end a relationship when one partner wants it to continue but Narcissists do have a way of crushing your spirit. A Narcissist is incapable of empathy. Only their feelings matter to them and if you try to make them care about yours, you only are giving them weapons to use as they destroy you.
In the midst of the fray, the whipsaws of the roller coaster ride are baffling. With adept precision, the Narcissist will choose the button controlling the particular emotion they would like to elicit from you. Their sadistic pursuit of self gratification at your expense is stunning. I’ll never forget my Narcissist describing how he felt after taking me from high spirits to desolation one day. His exact words were, “That was fun.”
The mechanics of this aren’t obvious during moments of confusion caused by Narcissist attacks. It seems impossible that the person whom you’ve chosen to love can be so thoughtless and cruel. Whether you are physically or emotionally abused, you are the one on the defensive and the after effects are very real and long lasting. Remember, the ones who seek therapy are not the Narcissists.
In April 2007, I threw out all his versions of the truth and went with the one that is the truth when I called him a liar. I recall how he scoffed but, knowing him as I do, I also felt his shock in that moment. Shortly afterward, our email exchange ended for he knew he could not control me anymore.
I’m sure my Narcissist felt his coup de grace was using my financial difficulties, caused by a severe decline in the real estate market, as a means to diminish me in his last note. From my point of view, he verified what I had known all along. Our troubles began when my bank accounts began to dwindle, though he always denied this.
Although I am not motivated by revenge, I’ve felt an odd sort of peace after recently being given an opportunity to expose my Narcissist in a public forum. His predictability in that scenario informed me of his mental defect. My ability to spot it and help the person under attack was gratifying.
Holidays are fraught with triggers, even if all is well in your life. While in recovery from a Narcissistic relationship’s effects, the feeling of a crushed soul can compound normal Holiday stressors. I hope all of you who read my blog are taking care of yourselves.
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