That’s the title of a movie that I watched again last night.  Although it is moderately amusing and the acting is very well done, there are similarities between the player’s justifications to his peer-aged lover and experiences that I had with my Narcissistic Partner are stunning. 

There were some major differences, however.  The female character, played by Diane Keaton, learned within a few weeks of falling in love that her new sweetheart was nothing more than a shameless womanizer.  The second major difference is that Jack Nicholson’s character actually experienced curiosity about the effect he had on his former lovers and sought them out in order to better understand himself. 

Of course, he had suffered an event which gave him cause to recognize his mortality… 

There was one conversation the two lovers shared that felt like it was lifted from the script of my former romance.  That scene occurred on the streets, when Diane Keaton’s character was examining the dynamics of her feelings and disappointments.  Jack Nicholson’s character endeavored to defend himself, just as my former beau had, by saying: 

“I never lied to you.  I always told you some version of the truth.” 

And, exactly like Diane Keaton’s character in the movie, my reply to that was: 

“The truth doesn’t have versions!” 

By the way, I hadn’t seen the movie yet.  🙂 

Switching gears to discuss how this dialogue relates to Narcissist people, let’s first examine the need to defend indefensible actions with justifications or rationalizations. 

It is my opinion that emotionally mature adults behave this way and know when they have done something wrong.  If their actions should cause confusion or emotional pain for another human being in their midst, they will take responsibility and apologize.  Their consequence may be that their apology is not accepted.  If it isn’t, they will experience regret. 

Narcissists are not emotionally mature people.  Their motive force is to be gain admiration and, in their twisted world, this permits doing anything necessary to diminish or pulverize those who won’t supply it.  Whether or not a narcissist resorts to physical abuse, the outcome is the same.  Narcissistic brutality is designed to create confusion and cause pain and, after the fact, a narcissist rationalizes their insane behavior by blaming their victims.  And the cycle continues until the victim realizes they are a hamster on a wheel. 

We have visceral reactions to some things.  One of them is the desire to be dealt with honestly.  Perusing online dating sites, one of the most frequent phrases you will find in anyone’s profile, male or female, is “no game players.”  Based on this observation, it seems quite clear that most people prefer to interact with straight forward people. 

If you are connected to someone who “feels” dishonest to you, and they will not talk with you about your feelings without blaming you for noticing and mentioning it, you must decide how to handle it.  I recommend distance and/or disconnecting.  Without rational discussion, there can be no resolution and Narcissists want you to feel unresolved and confused.  Take care of yourself and remember that you’re entitled to ask a question when something doesn’t feel right to you in a relationship.