While returning from an outing with my San Diego family last month, I marveled at the full moon which glowed like a beacon from above.  I was a passenger, so staring at the orb was not a safety hazard.

I began singing the same song that always comes to mind when I’m looking at a full moon.  When I was asked what song it was that I was singing, I drifted back in time to a quiet country road in Wisconsin where I rode along gazing at a similarly impressive moon and sang that same song during easier times.  Like my fellow passengers tonight, my former beau had inquired about the song they had never heard before.

Music has marked every major event in my life and music was a big part of the interactions that I shared with my Narcissistic Partner.  I always found it odd that he would sing only music that he had created.  His rationale was that he didn’t like being an audience.  I guess that would fit into the profile for a Narcissist.  They like to be the show.

Honestly, I know my life was changed by that relationship.  Now, three years after the event of his ultimate betrayal, I am much stronger … though not at all trusting.  The greatest benefit that I received from my close encounter with a dangerous personality was to learn how to identify the attributes of Narcissism in other people.

These attributes are pretty well documented but the most important thing to pay attention to is your own instincts.  If something “feels” wrong, it probably is wrong for you.  While Love causes us to want to believe we are mistaken about our negative feelings, remaining in a relationship where you are expected to bend to your partner’s will all the time is not healthy and will sap your energy.  We only have so much energy to give, after all.

This past month, I met someone in my area who wanted to be my friend.  This person was of the opposite sex.  We agreed to head out to the beach for a walk.    Within minutes of our drive, I realized that the fellow, though well-meaning, was very controlling.  It was a gut instinct and, once I recognized it, there was no question in my mind that I didn’t want to be around him.

I suppose true romantics are less cautious than those of us who have been affected by a relationship with a Narcissist.  I remember believing in Love at first site, and seeing only the the best of people … of him … in spite my gut instincts based on observations over time.

Idly, I ponder whether or not I will ever fully heal from that past adventure and learn to trust Love again.