Years ago, when something easier was troubling me, I asked a mentor how I should handle my desire to renew that habit. Their response was brief and profound. The advice they offered was simply, “Follow it through.” I asked what that meant. My friend explained that I should use my memories to follow through the act of renewing that habit all the way to the point where I had decided to change the habit.
So, when you find yourself pining for your Narcissistic Ex, follow that feeling through. Examine all of the experiences, good or bad, and follow that train of thought right up to the point where the only choice was to leave the relationship. During that stroll down memory lane, you’ll be refreshing memories that both attract and repel you. If you are completely honest with yourself after replaying your mental tapes, you will once again conclude that you’ve made the right decision to leave.
Another thing you can do is get out a paper and pen and divide it into columns. Write out the good things and the bad things and use the third column for those experiences that are questionable with regard to qualitative value in your mind. Once again, brutal honesty is required for this exercise. When you see the extensiveness of your bad experiences in front of your own eyes, it will solidify your resolve to leave your Narcissistic Ex behind.
When I performed this exercise, it took me a while to sort out what I had learned. My current understanding of the entire experience that I had with my narcissistic ex is that I did love him but he never loved me. To that end, I can still appreciate the feelings that were mine during that relationship. This is important for us all because living in a belief that you imagined everything can be very destructive to your self-esteem. (This is the voice of experience speaking.)
Time does create a healthy distance from missing your Narcissistic Ex but you must reach the point of acceptance first. There are two parts to this acceptance, the intellectual and emotional phase. Intellectually, it is easy to decide you are finished with the relationship. Emotions are not as easy to untangle.
My advice to you is consistent, however. Do not maintain contact with the Narcissist once the relationship is over. They know you and how to manipulate your emotions. Because having control over you gives them pleasure, every time you reach for them, you are providing Narcissistic supply. Narcissists hate being ignored so they won’t leave you alone until they’ve found a new victim who will adore them without question.
So, how do you get your Narcissistic Ex out of your mind? Stop trying! Let them occupy that space for what you have experienced should not be forgotten and, as long as you remember, you are less likely to fall into another Narcissist’s web. While I suggest not putting them out of your mind, I simultaneously suggest that you not permit memories of them to rule your sanity. Once you work out the true nature of your experience, you will find a way to heal from a Narcissistic encounter. It is not easy and it will take time and attention, as well as complete self-honesty.
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