My dear friend, McKenna, has agreed to become a guest blogger and co-administrator at The Legendary Narcissist.  I'm truly excited about this!  She helped me navigate through the devastating experience of dealing with a narcissistic relationship and, although she never told me what to do, she guided me to the right decisions. 

McKenna is an accomplished Astrologer with 20 years of experience.  She is also an accomplished writer and an understanding friend whose wisdom I know all of you will come to appreciate.

In the past, The Legendary Narcissist has been skewed towards handling the after effects of being in a romantic relationship with a Narcissist.  While this is still an important topic to explore, McKenna and I hope to widen the scope of content to help people who are dealing with Narcissistic parents, co-workers, and friends. 

All of the stories that my readers have so generously shared at this site have been heart-wrenching to read.  The demonic behavior of Narcissistic people in our lives can shatter every belief we’ve ever had about Love.

Eventually, we all begin to seek answers so we can heal.  This is the core of human-ness that causes us to want more than mere survival.  Transformation and recovery from a Narcissistic Relationship takes courage … and belief.

In self-dialogue, I frequently hear my questions about what it is that I’m searching for now.  It isn’t a person, place or thing.  It is this:

The belief in life that I had in youth
The belief that I can make a difference
The belief in happy endings

And there you have it … the quest for a happy ending.

Incoming search terms:

• narcissistic beliefs
• psychological belief in happy endings
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• is it sinful to keep a record of the wrongs of a narcissist
• legendary belief
• legendary beliefs

This is a movie that Julia Roberts starred in.  Although she excels in roles like this and I truly admire her skills as a performer, I didn’t rush to the movies to see it.  I guess I've become weary of the formulaic predictability of most romantic comedies.  As some of us know, real life is not all that predictable.

Thanksgiving is a holiday of note in the history along the path into my relationship with a Narcissist.  The first time he invited me to a family holiday meal was Thanksgiving.  I wept with joy at his invitation and played the voice mail message again and again to make sure that there was no mistake.  I may even have the recording of that voice mail message somewhere on my hard drive but I don't listen to it anymore.   He knew that my previous lovers had not included me in their family gatherings.  That is why his invitation meant so much to me.  I really felt that I had arrived in his life.

Incoming search terms:

• thanksgiving narcissist
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A friend of mine sent me a link to a YouTube video from a show that he watches called Mad Men.  It was a clip from an episode called The Wheel and it was quite touching.  Here is the meat of the quote that I found online:

Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel. It let's us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.

Considering our memories as sort of a time machine, is completely apropos.  When we are reflecting on our pasts, we are catapulted into it.  Sometimes it is the way a sunbeam crosses the trees or a song, maybe even a smell, that stimulates memories.  Once they are stirred, we have to revisit those experiences whether they are delightful or painful to recall.

Incoming search terms:

• narcissist nostalgia
• nostalgia npd

Years ago, when something easier was troubling me, I asked a mentor how I should handle my desire to renew that habit.  Their response was brief and profound.  The advice they offered was simply, “Follow it through.”  I asked what that meant.  My friend explained that I should use my memories to follow through the act of renewing that habit all the way to the point where I had decided to change the habit.

So, when you find yourself pining for your Narcissistic Ex, follow that feeling through.  Examine all of the experiences, good or bad, and follow that train of thought right up to the point where the only choice was to leave the relationship.  During that stroll down memory lane, you’ll be refreshing memories that both attract and repel you.  If you are completely honest with yourself after replaying your mental tapes, you will once again conclude that you’ve made the right decision to leave.

Incoming search terms:

• do narcissists hate being ignored
• does my narcissistic ex think about me
• will my narcissist ex miss me
• why do i miss my narcissistic ex
• ignoring a narcissist ex
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• how to get a narcissist to leave you alone
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• missing my narcissist

This is a video which I was introduced to about a year ago.  It is 16-minutes long but well worth the watch.  Not only does it have a good message that we all have special gifts, it is an example of how being attached to a specific outcome can affect us ... and help us to find ourselves anew.

Our smiles make a difference for others, and smiling makes us feel better inside too.   Enjoy the film and let me know what you think.

Whether or not we admit to it at the time, what each of us has experienced at the end of our relationship with a Narcissistic Partner is grief for the loss of that relationship.

The most widely accepted definition of the stages of grief has 5 stages, which I will review for you here:.

The Five Stages of Grief

1. Denial is looking past what is real with a mindset that it isn’t what you know it to be.
2. Anger is the retaliatory phase where we try to get even or feel jealousy.
3. Bargaining often begins before the actual loss.  We make deals to maintain our relationship or pray to whatever Deity we claim for resolution that will keep our lives whole and our relationship in tact.