In my Sunday surfing, I came across a pretty good article about a study done on "Narcissists".  Thought I'd pass it along to you all...

Think of your friendly neighborhood narcissist: status-seeking, grandiose, loud-mouthed, brash and flamboyant. Have you ever noticed how he brags all the time, not only about his astronomical I.Q. and bulging pectoral muscles, but also about the fact that he is narcissistic? It's as if he is proud of it.

Lots of psychologists have theorized that a lack of self-awareness is a hallmark trait of narcissists. My personal experience with narcissists does not seem to support this. It seems to me as though they are not only aware of who they are, but also embrace it.

It’s that time of year again.  We’re supposed to be festive and joyful.  Our families and friends bring us close and we’re all cheery, right?

I recognize that attitude is everything.  Every day I have a choice about how I respond to stimuli in my environment.  I can choose to meander off into emotional gloom or sunshine .  Aside from the holidays, it is very easy to flush my feelings of disappointment down the drain and recenter my inner peace.

It could be the fact that a friend of mine died suddenly just before Thanksgiving.  She was younger than me.  It could be that her death reminds me of unaccomplished dreams and goals in my life.  It could be that I miss my mother ... whose death and funeral memories are all tangled up in the final betrayal that I experienced at the hands of a Narcissist.

Although I take full responsibility for every choice that has brought me to the life that I know today, I continue to stumble over the hurdle labeled acceptance.  Accepting responsibility for one’s part in a drama is very different than accepting the disappointment that resulted from those decisions.

Incoming search terms:

• narcissist AND HOLIDAYS
• narcissistic mothers and the holidays
• narcissists and the holidays
• narcissist holiday
• narcissistic mother holidays
• narcissism and holidays
• narcisstic mother and holidays
• narcissistic mother at holidays
• narcisstic mothers and the holidays
• narcissists and drama and holidays

As we learn more about Narcissists and NPD, we sometimes come to realize that the most recent experience we are reeling from is not the ONLY experience we’ve had in our lives.  While we can itemize the things to look out for and ways to extricate these emotional vampires from our sphere, it may be equally important to look into our own souls and discover what it is about us that continues to attract these aberrated people.  Allow me to share some observations that I’ve made about my style for your self-consideration as you continue on your own journey back to the lightness that once was your life.

Incoming search terms:

• what attracts a narcissist
• how to attract a narcissist
• what attracts narcissists
• why do i attract narcissists
• who do narcissists attract
• attracting a narcissist
• what are narcissists afraid of
• attract a narcissist
• narcissist\s fears
• what attracts the narcisst

Years ago, when something easier was troubling me, I asked a mentor how I should handle my desire to renew that habit.  Their response was brief and profound.  The advice they offered was simply, “Follow it through.”  I asked what that meant.  My friend explained that I should use my memories to follow through the act of renewing that habit all the way to the point where I had decided to change the habit.

So, when you find yourself pining for your Narcissistic Ex, follow that feeling through.  Examine all of the experiences, good or bad, and follow that train of thought right up to the point where the only choice was to leave the relationship.  During that stroll down memory lane, you’ll be refreshing memories that both attract and repel you.  If you are completely honest with yourself after replaying your mental tapes, you will once again conclude that you’ve made the right decision to leave.

Incoming search terms:

• do narcissists hate being ignored
• does my narcissistic ex think about me
• will my narcissist ex miss me
• why do i miss my narcissistic ex
• ignoring a narcissist ex
• why does my narcissistic ex hate me
• how to get a narcissist to leave you alone
• what narcissists hate
• why does a narcissist ignore you
• missing my narcissist

When my world fell apart during the spring of 2006, or so it seemed, I relied on books and music to remind me that everything would be OK.  Much of what I absorbed during that depressed period of my life continues to inspire me today.

Music has always uplifted me. To that end, I feel that it is good therapy for someone who is in recovery from a Narcissistic encounter.

In the song Idaho, Nerina Pallot describes a flight from what was, as an empowered person who is taking control of their life. This song became my theme song when I pulled up stakes and left my life-long home to start over in the sunshine. I did not choose Idaho as a destination, however.  :)

This is a video which I was introduced to about a year ago.  It is 16-minutes long but well worth the watch.  Not only does it have a good message that we all have special gifts, it is an example of how being attached to a specific outcome can affect us ... and help us to find ourselves anew.

Our smiles make a difference for others, and smiling makes us feel better inside too.   Enjoy the film and let me know what you think.

Reviewing some of the search terms that got people to this site, I found this topic.  I believe it to be of general interest but not for the most obvious reasons.

I feel that it is necessary to re-cap a few facts that I’ve learned about Narcissists.  Narcissists are not easy to profile because they do not seek therapy.  Thus, they are a segment of humanity which we are becoming more aware of who cannot be easily identified.  From the comments on this blog, I’m aware that what I’m writing is hitting home, even though most of what I’ve written here is based on my own experiences and observations.