Comments on: Attracted to the Bad Boys? http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/attracted-to-the-bad-boys/ Tue, 17 Jan 2012 06:06:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Phoenix http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/attracted-to-the-bad-boys/comment-page-1/#comment-1533 Phoenix Fri, 06 Aug 2010 04:14:59 +0000 http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/attracted-to-the-bad-boys/#comment-1533 Hi Viv, I'm glad you're interested in seeing a forum here. I will write to you via email next wee ... promise! Hi Viv,

I’m glad you’re interested in seeing a forum here. I will write to you via email next wee … promise!

]]> By: viv http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/attracted-to-the-bad-boys/comment-page-1/#comment-1531 viv Thu, 05 Aug 2010 06:58:19 +0000 http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/attracted-to-the-bad-boys/#comment-1531 Hi Phoenix, Thank you so much for your kind reply! Again, it's wonderful to be able to connect with people who have endured similar experiences, as a way to cope, move on, and support each other. Your site is a real blessing. I certainly look forward to corresponding with you further, if and when you have the time. Thank you again & here's to a speedy, healthy recovery for all of us! Hi Phoenix,
Thank you so much for your kind reply! Again, it’s wonderful to be able to connect with people who have endured similar experiences, as a way to cope, move on, and support each other. Your site is a real blessing.
I certainly look forward to corresponding with you further, if and when you have the time.
Thank you again & here’s to a speedy, healthy recovery for all of us!

]]> By: Phoenix http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/attracted-to-the-bad-boys/comment-page-1/#comment-1530 Phoenix Tue, 03 Aug 2010 08:43:21 +0000 http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/attracted-to-the-bad-boys/#comment-1530 Hello Viv, What a wonderful intro you've written. You sound very brave yourself. Four years away from the proverbial epicenter, I still am restless for these reasons you cited in your post: <blockquote>You’re left with such polar memories of someone you loved & believed loved you back. They’re that convincingly charming & ruthless. One of the hardest mental obstacles I’ve been trying to overcome is grasping the idea that he moved on so swiftly & effortlessly…as if nothing ever happened…</blockquote> Your closing realization is totally accurate. We do have to come back to our own center of balance and recognize that completion of the cycle is ours to create. I'm humbled by your praise. I honestly have thought about growing this site into a safe place where each of us who has been affected by a Narcissist can learn how to heal from each other. Webinars and other trainings are not out of the question and the longer term goal is to organize everything into a book. I have mounds of materials. :) I will write you an email so we can discuss this further. Hello Viv,

What a wonderful intro you’ve written. You sound very brave yourself.

Four years away from the proverbial epicenter, I still am restless for these reasons you cited in your post:

You’re left with such polar memories of someone you loved & believed loved you back. They’re that convincingly charming & ruthless. One of the hardest mental obstacles I’ve been trying to overcome is grasping the idea that he moved on so swiftly & effortlessly…as if nothing ever happened…

Your closing realization is totally accurate. We do have to come back to our own center of balance and recognize that completion of the cycle is ours to create.

I’m humbled by your praise. I honestly have thought about growing this site into a safe place where each of us who has been affected by a Narcissist can learn how to heal from each other. Webinars and other trainings are not out of the question and the longer term goal is to organize everything into a book. I have mounds of materials. :)

I will write you an email so we can discuss this further.

]]> By: viv http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/attracted-to-the-bad-boys/comment-page-1/#comment-1529 viv Mon, 02 Aug 2010 21:38:41 +0000 http://thelegendarynarcissist.com/attracted-to-the-bad-boys/#comment-1529 Hi Phoenix, I stumbled upon your website a couple days ago...and I admire your strength so much. By offering your insight & resources, you are helping so many people like myself who are working hard to recover in the wake of a destructive relationship – and breakup – with a Narcissistic ex. I spent almost 10 years with my N, and the time with him had the typical earmarks...some physical abuse (it stopped after jail time), plenty of emotional abuse, brainwashing, threats, valuing/devaluing, using (he lived with me for several years without paying rent, but spent most of his money on toys and his own stuff)...the common denominator is my own blindness & stupidity for enabling him for so long, and believing his charming words & promises that he would change. A couple years ago, I finally stood up for myself, forced him out of my place, and set boundaries...he finally got his own place & had to be more responsible for himself, but this in turn made him angry & resentful towards me. I wasn't the girl who pleased him as much anymore. The relationship finally ended about 8 months ago. Not surprisingly in hindsight, he pulled all the seductive stops to lure me back in – and right when I fell for him again (out of my own codependency & weakness, of course) – he suddenly (and conveniently) left me for his coworker (citing that she gives him attention), while still saying that I'm "the one" for him and that he still loves me. Utterly confusing...yet the mind game/control is pretty obvious. I've since cut contact with him – but admittedly, the words & the lies still keep you locked to a degree. You're left with such polar memories of someone you loved & believed loved you back. They're that convincingly charming & ruthless. One of the hardest mental obstacles I've been trying to overcome is grasping the idea that he moved on so swiftly & effortlessly...as if nothing ever happened...these people can sleep very well, while their ex-partners still toss & turn at night. Since he left me at a time in his life where he finally got his own place & a steady job, it's painful to see that all of the invested hopes that I had in him is being handed over to someone else. He gets to don his perfect mask once again, and gets to share this clean slate with someone else – as if it's my loss that I'm not with him (he made it a point to brag about how great he's doing in our last conversation). Your article on "What is Success?" particularly resonates with me at this time...I'm fighting hard to keep my own bitterness & petty thoughts under control. I've also recently come to the realization that closure will not come from him – because they simply don't care about your feelings & want to keep the door slightly ajar – and that closure can only come from deep within ourselves. We have to take responsibility for our own lives...moving on as survivors, not victims. That's why your site is so helpful. Many well-meaning people who have never been deeply involved with a Narcissist may not fully understand the confusing, cult-like effect of being in this type of relationship. I've learned so much about him & myself in the course of recovery. Just feeling that I can relate to so many of your beautifully written passages is calming, reassuring, and therapeutic to say the least. Do you conduct any seminars or local support groups by chance? If so, I would be very interested. If you have any info regarding this, I can be reached at the email address that I submitted to post this comment. Thank you again & all the very best to you. Hi Phoenix, I stumbled upon your website a couple days ago…and I admire your strength so much. By offering your insight & resources, you are helping so many people like myself who are working hard to recover in the wake of a destructive relationship – and breakup – with a Narcissistic ex.

I spent almost 10 years with my N, and the time with him had the typical earmarks…some physical abuse (it stopped after jail time), plenty of emotional abuse, brainwashing, threats, valuing/devaluing, using (he lived with me for several years without paying rent, but spent most of his money on toys and his own stuff)…the common denominator is my own blindness & stupidity for enabling him for so long, and believing his charming words & promises that he would change. A couple years ago, I finally stood up for myself, forced him out of my place, and set boundaries…he finally got his own place & had to be more responsible for himself, but this in turn made him angry & resentful towards me. I wasn’t the girl who pleased him as much anymore. The relationship finally ended about 8 months ago. Not surprisingly in hindsight, he pulled all the seductive stops to lure me back in – and right when I fell for him again (out of my own codependency & weakness, of course) – he suddenly (and conveniently) left me for his coworker (citing that she gives him attention), while still saying that I’m “the one” for him and that he still loves me. Utterly confusing…yet the mind game/control is pretty obvious. I’ve since cut contact with him – but admittedly, the words & the lies still keep you locked to a degree. You’re left with such polar memories of someone you loved & believed loved you back. They’re that convincingly charming & ruthless. One of the hardest mental obstacles I’ve been trying to overcome is grasping the idea that he moved on so swiftly & effortlessly…as if nothing ever happened…these people can sleep very well, while their ex-partners still toss & turn at night. Since he left me at a time in his life where he finally got his own place & a steady job, it’s painful to see that all of the invested hopes that I had in him is being handed over to someone else. He gets to don his perfect mask once again, and gets to share this clean slate with someone else – as if it’s my loss that I’m not with him (he made it a point to brag about how great he’s doing in our last conversation). Your article on “What is Success?” particularly resonates with me at this time…I’m fighting hard to keep my own bitterness & petty thoughts under control.

I’ve also recently come to the realization that closure will not come from him – because they simply don’t care about your feelings & want to keep the door slightly ajar – and that closure can only come from deep within ourselves. We have to take responsibility for our own lives…moving on as survivors, not victims. That’s why your site is so helpful. Many well-meaning people who have never been deeply involved with a Narcissist may not fully understand the confusing, cult-like effect of being in this type of relationship. I’ve learned so much about him & myself in the course of recovery. Just feeling that I can relate to so many of your beautifully written passages is calming, reassuring, and therapeutic to say the least.

Do you conduct any seminars or local support groups by chance? If so, I would be very interested. If you have any info regarding this, I can be reached at the email address that I submitted to post this comment.
Thank you again & all the very best to you.

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