The Legendary Narcissist | Recovering from a Narcissistic Relationship

Browsing Posts published in August, 2010

As we learn more about Narcissists and NPD, we sometimes come to realize that the most recent experience we are reeling from is not the ONLY experience we’ve had in our lives.  While we can itemize the things to look out for and ways to extricate these emotional vampires from our sphere, it may be equally important to look into our own souls and discover what it is about us that continues to attract these aberrated people.  Allow me to share some observations that I’ve made about my style for your self-consideration as you continue on your own journey back to the lightness that once was your life.

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Years ago, when something easier was troubling me, I asked a mentor how I should handle my desire to renew that habit.  Their response was brief and profound.  The advice they offered was simply, “Follow it through.”  I asked what that meant.  My friend explained that I should use my memories to follow through the act of renewing that habit all the way to the point where I had decided to change the habit.

So, when you find yourself pining for your Narcissistic Ex, follow that feeling through.  Examine all of the experiences, good or bad, and follow that train of thought right up to the point where the only choice was to leave the relationship.  During that stroll down memory lane, you’ll be refreshing memories that both attract and repel you.  If you are completely honest with yourself after replaying your mental tapes, you will once again conclude that you’ve made the right decision to leave.

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When my world fell apart during the spring of 2006, or so it seemed, I relied on books and music to remind me that everything would be OK.  Much of what I absorbed during that depressed period of my life continues to inspire me today.

Music has always uplifted me. To that end, I feel that it is good therapy for someone who is in recovery from a Narcissistic encounter.

In the song Idaho, Nerina Pallot describes a flight from what was, as an empowered person who is taking control of their life. This song became my theme song when I pulled up stakes and left my life-long home to start over in the sunshine. I did not choose Idaho as a destination, however.  🙂

Validation

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This is a video which I was introduced to about a year ago.  It is 16-minutes long but well worth the watch.  Not only does it have a good message that we all have special gifts, it is an example of how being attached to a specific outcome can affect us … and help us to find ourselves anew.

Our smiles make a difference for others, and smiling makes us feel better inside too.   Enjoy the film and let me know what you think.

Reviewing some of the search terms that got people to this site, I found this topic.  I believe it to be of general interest but not for the most obvious reasons.

I feel that it is necessary to re-cap a few facts that I’ve learned about Narcissists.  Narcissists are not easy to profile because they do not seek therapy.  Thus, they are a segment of humanity which we are becoming more aware of who cannot be easily identified.  From the comments on this blog, I’m aware that what I’m writing is hitting home, even though most of what I’ve written here is based on my own experiences and observations.

Whether or not we admit to it at the time, what each of us has experienced at the end of our relationship with a Narcissistic Partner is grief for the loss of that relationship.

The most widely accepted definition of the stages of grief has 5 stages, which I will review for you here:.

The Five Stages of Grief

  1. Denial is looking past what is real with a mindset that it isn’t what you know it to be.
  2. Anger is the retaliatory phase where we try to get even or feel jealousy.
  3. Bargaining often begins before the actual loss.  We make deals to maintain our relationship or pray to whatever Deity we claim for resolution that will keep our lives whole and our relationship in tact.

The Question

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The other day, my step daughter sent a broadcast poll question out to everyone via text message.  The question she asked was:

If you know that a man will never really excite you, should you date him anyway and try to make it work?

Not only is that the bazillion dollar question that many of us have asked ourselves, there was also another underlying question that I perceived.  You see, my step daughter has manifested a pattern of not-so-good choices in men.  She’s a grown woman.  I make no judgments about how she lives her life.  I only want her to find happiness, like most mothers do.

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